I started writing a new entry and soon caught myself talking about Red Bull’s marketing strategy. Eventually somehow I found my way back to fitness trackers but I had all kinds of thoughts flying around and I just didn’t get anywhere. I gave myself some time, and a few days later I’m trying again.
So, do you realize how cool Red Bull’s marketing strategy is?! Just kidding.
At times when I notice my thoughts are bouncing and I can’t seem to be present or have a clear mind, I found there is only one thing that helps me gain control of the situation, and that is turning inwards. Not the depressed kind, but the aware one.
Sure, going to the gym or having a drink could help too, but that’s a short lived temporary solution mask.
I’ve been around spiritual people (let’s just call them yogis, because they were all practicing yoga and that’s how I met them at a time when I was working at a reception in a gym) for decades. Back then I didn’t really understand a lot of what they were saying about energy, clarity, peace, breathing (I still don’t get the screaming bit) and the “divine freedom”. Also, lifting heavy weights sounds way more cool for a 20year old than peace. That’s boring.
One particular thing that I heard of being mentioned a lot – and I tried multiple times for years but never gotten anywhere with – was meditation.
To be honest I’m still not sure what I do is meditation. What is that even?
Over the years I had many people telling me how to do it. Some said I need to focus on a golden shining ball appearing in my belly. I tried. And tried. And tried again. Unfortunately, all I could find there was emptiness and hunger for food. Then there were the guided meditations, but that eventually just ended up being a daydreaming show and it still didn’t feel right. Not to mention, it was impossible to listen to an entire episode, whether it was 3 minutes or 23, because once again, it is soo boring.
Let me tell you something: you need to empty your mind – said others. Thanks Sherlock, but can you tell me how I do that? Sorry bro can’t help, just ignore everything else. Sure, if that was easy I wouldn’t need to meditate in the first place. I could just ignore my anxiety and live happily forever. So, that didn’t work out well for me either.
Life works in mysterious ways, and mine happened to have a period when a series of mindfulness exercises were recommended to me. These could be anything between a 60 second short audio that grabs your attention and maybe even tell you to do something specific (find an object and observe it for a minute) or something like a 25 minute body awareness screening that guides you through a full body discovery journey from the toes to the top of the head.
I am good with my body, so that nearly half an hour goes quickly. I find it pretty entertaining to imagine how the blood is running around my ankle or how my thigh bone moves in my pelvis. I found it way more challenging to go through the 7 minute exercise, where you had to hold a single raisin in your hand, watch it, observe it, smell it, touch it, lick it, taste it (don’t eat it), imagine its life journey and what not. Oh, and do it multiple times a day preferably. While journaling about the experience.
Well, that was not fun. But it’s an exercise, and I was committed. And looking back years later, I can see how it played a crucial role in my development.
Very often, I’m sure I was just waiting for the exercise to end so I can demolish that little bugger. But then eventually, I started wondering, how does that smooth, juicy grape become a dry, jerky, sticky piece of snack? Where does the water go from it? How do those wrinkles appear? Why are some of them harder than others? Why do their colors change? How does the grape even come off the stem?
You see?! The mind is interesting. I had more and more questions and noticed more and more things about it. Eventually I began to notice that the mind that couldn’t slow down previously and had all sorts of random thoughts still can’t really slow down. LOL. But at least, I was wandering around a certain topic. And following that excitement, my being seemed to have become less chaotic.
On a very different line of events that happened around the same time – can’t tell exactly how, those mysterious ways, you know – I also started reading more about the breath. Someone handed me a book about it and I really liked the storytelling. It also felt like it explained parts of my childhood (not the good memories, I’ll tell you that much).
I can’t really remember what the exact timeline was in the next 5years, but digging into the breath from various perspectives was a monumental shift for me. Previously, other than breathing in and out, and maybe trying to force breathing through the nose I didn’t do much else. And while all those are good to stay alive, there are levels to the game.
James Nestor introduced ideas about differences between nasal and mouth breathing and how our modern life habits lead to health, sleep and dental issues. Then came Patrick McKeown, who broke breathing down to biochemical, biomechanical and cadence / psychophysiology. While the first encounter is a more generalized storytelling, the second is something I can work with better at my practice.
Wim Hof had some strong ideas about actual breathing practices and routines, so it seemed to fit the journey. Eventually, however, going deeper into biomechanics – because I like muscles and movements – I understood better how something as basic as taking a breath really has an effect on EVERYTHING in life.
Posture. Pelvic floor health. Balance. Strength. Coordination. Agility. Force production. Force absorption. Heart rate. Blood pressure. Nervous system. Mindset. Mental state. Focus. Sleep. Recovery. Body temperature. Face shape. And many more.
So, I started to be more aware of my breath. Whether because of the mindfulness practice, my aging and wisdom, or my stubbornness in sticking with the breathing practice (it’s kinda competitive to see how far you can push the breath holds, I think my record is 3 minutes, so maybe my life changed because of the brain damage), but eventually, I found myself just lying down and observing my breathing.
Inhale. Pause. Exhale. Pause. Repeat.
Very quickly, I found that focusing my attention on this one thing helps with many other things. Time can fly when I’m doing this. All those worrying thoughts can quiet down. They could still appear, but they don’t get my attention. The guided meditation has changed from being a daydreaming journey to becoming an interesting story that I can be a part of. And even though they usually mention breathing, I don’t think many people know what they mean. I didn’t, for a long time. But when I understood breathing, the script flipped. Being steady, observing the breath and welcoming all kinds of thoughts to come and say hi before I let them go is something new.
Maybe one would call that meditation.