Have you ever asked someone if they wanted to try your favourite food, and they simply said no?! Well, that’s me. Also, probably you. Us. Everyone. Any kid I’ve ever met (including myself), would quite frankly just say no to anything they don’t want to do, whether that is good for them or not (I bet you would have failed trying to make me eat a vegetable when I was little). If it’s not the case with food, it is with some other things for sure: wearing clothes, taking medication, behaving in public, or anything at all.
Are you tired in the morning? Yes. Maybe you could try to sleep earlier. Maybe. Are you going to try it? No.
It took me a very long time to accept – and even longer to understand – that someone’s best intent may not be enough to help someone if the person is not open to discussion. This doesn’t mean much without more information, because there are many reasons why someone would say no to any suggestions, and it’s not a problem at all. However, at work, I meet people daily who ask for help to solve their (usually pain and training related) problems.
The ideal scenario
We have a problem. We identify it. There is an easy solution to that problem. We follow instructions to solve it. Problem gets solved.
This is as simple as that at 80% of the time. Unfortunately, due to more complicated reasons, step 3 (following instructions to solve the problem) does not happen probably around 80% of the time.
In the grand scheme of things, many problems require very simple solutions. I know I should be a bit more clear about what I mean when I say “problems”, but this is true for a very wide variety of situations. But to give you an idea:
- My back and neck become very tense when I sit for long. Solution: don’t sit for too long?! Sit better?!
- I usually skip dinner because I have nothing to eat at home. Solution: plan ahead?! Order something healthy?! Keep food in the freezer from previous food preps?!
- My sleep routine is very bad. I’m up until late, have crazy dreams and can’t wake up in the morning: Solution: go to bed earlier?! Don’t scroll aimlessly on the phone in bed?! Dim the lights down early and go to bed when tired?!
- I want to start doing hikes, but I have no one to go with. Solution: find an organized group event?! Go alone?! Trick your bestie to join you?!
The reality
I know, but… There is always a “but” innit?! Very often, this “but” is an excuse and there are other underlying reasons why we are so resistant to a relatively simple solution (which doesn’t make the problem less problematic or the solution itself more easy to apply). Finding a way around all the secret hidden little conflicts is where the magic lies. That invisible wall that we can’t really describe what it is, but any time when we try to do something new it just stops us somehow?! That’s what I’m talking about.
Maybe in this modern, made to look (or at least aiming to become) simple world we are getting to the point, when we forget (or never even have learned) how to listen to our body and take care of ourselves. Maybe we are becoming too comfortable and our bodies don’t appreciate it and keep sending signals – which we often don’t really know how to translate.
Maybe, slowly we keep losing our ability to regulate ourselves. The digestion. The heart rate. Our core body temperature. Our mental state. The visible outcomes? Skin, hair, nail issues. Heart palpitations. Cold sweats. Sleep apnea. Insomnia. Muscle fatigue. Mental fatigue. Brain fog. Substance abuse. The list goes on.
I personally used to never understand why my granddad would want to spend his life in a mountain hut working in the garden. Or why would a hobby fisherman choose to sit by a lake all day long, waiting to catch a fish and without catching anything still be happy with the smell of nature and the chirping of the birds. I guess, some people also question why would I sign up to a grueling endurance event, and call it fun.
Do something like that and you may realize a few life lessons: things are hard. Effort is hard. Boredom is difficult to deal with. The rain is wet. The temperature changes. You can’t make the fish bite if they don’t want to. You can’t grow wings, you will have to run. Being with your thoughts is scary. But there is an upside, you just need to get to it.
The breakthrough
“I tried” has become one of my favourite sentences ever to hear at work. Increasingly more often I find myself thinking about how to find a language or an angle with someone, so they will practice their homework not because they’ve been told to do so, but because they saw the value in it.
At school, I used to hate homework because I never understood why it is important to do the same thing over and over again. Perhaps in the past I simply gave out homework too. Some clients were great at getting it done no matter what. And even though I knew why the exercises mattered, I’m not sure everyone else always did. Nowadays I focus a lot more on creating an environment where the “why should I do this at home” doesn’t even come to mind at all, and the practice gets done before the first negative thought begins to form.
Over time, these little wins add up. The once very complex looking issues begin to disappear. The mindset starts to shift. The results begin to show. Life becomes better.
The difference between people who eventually do interesting things and people who don’t isn’t confidence, talent, knowledge or motivation.
At some point, they simply tried.